Culmination

I do not know who or what I am. At times I feel as if I lack myself of a unique identity that would distinguish me from the rest of the masses. I try to search for a reason for the existence of this random spontaneous feeling of mine. I am unpredictable – when I am happy I might appear to be the nicest person in the entire world but when I am sad I might be the last person you would wish to be with. I am an incandescent sun emitting brightness in every dark corner when I am in a jolly mood. I am the radiance of melancholy when I am thinking about the world and all the worldly things living in it. In my entire life, that one feeling which troubles me the most is the realization of my existence as a human being living on this planet. It’s not at all related to any pessimistic outlook towards life but it is solely related to the essence of realization of existence. If you ever close your eyes and wonder whether you are still alive, the first question that comes to your mind is why exactly I am doing this. But then you decide to ignore that question and proceed to explore further into your thoughts. You think about the thing that you want the most in the world, and immediately after that succumb to the thought of your inability to acquire it. Next, you think about why you would fail to acquire that thing and start to enlist the flaws in yourself and your personality. When the list grows bigger, you start feeling like a loser in life, that just because you could not acquire that thing you would not be able to do anything in your life. You try to prison yourself in dark curtains of oblivion and proceed to think about a prosperous future ahead hoping that you could pull something off in your later stage of life like a late bloomer. But even after this optimistic bit of thinking, the previous thought strikes at you again, this time it is harder to ignore it and this is the stage where you give up to yourself. Now you cannot think at all and you feel as if you are stranded in the middle of a deep blue ocean with the waves soaring high approaching you from all the sides. You want to escape but you know that you can’t. The water starts rushing in and hits you hard. You are now sinking into the depth struggling to go back to the surface of water. You keep on trying constantly but you eventually fail. You know soon within seconds you are about to die, bid goodbye to this world, your friends, your foes, your parents, and everyone around you. You try to hold your breath as long as you can. This can be compared to you thinking that one day you will be able to acquire that thing which you wanted the most in your life. But after seconds when you are about to finish that last breath of yours, you realize that you are about to die. This can be thought of as your inability to acquire that thing even in the future when you are a whole lot better close to perfect. Your last breath finishes and then you feel the kick. You open your eyes as fast as you can and look around yourself. You see the world is the same as it was before you closed your eyes. You feel your hands, your face and then you feel yourself breathing as hard as you could possibly ever had done before. You breathe in a sigh of relief but then you ponder upon the thoughts of trying to comprehend this entire scenario. You look into the sky and wonder what’s going on. You do not get an answer (and you never will). The reality is that there exists no reason for your existence but the only thing that exists here is you. This is where you realize that you are actually alive and living as a human being on this earth. This entire experience is really haunting but then it’s a matter of time you move on to momentarily forget about all this just to escape from the eeriness of your failure to justify your own existence. I live in reality, reality is my best friend. He troubles me a lot and plays games with my mind making me hurt my head and think a lot about things I am not even supposed to think about. But then he keeps me awake and safe from the illusionary dream where without him otherwise I would had been doomed to eternity.

Rise

Accept and consider critique

Rather than submit to oppression

Use it to induce your resilience

Shape your character augmentation

When pulverized and fragmented

Into immeasurable fractions overblown

Rejuvenate your tenacity to array those bricks

Establish that magnificent castle of your own

Overthinking kills yourself

The biggest problem in my life is overthinking. I think too much, more than you could even

imagine, more than you could even dream of imagining, more than you could even imagine

to dream. Overthinking has pros as well as cons. If I think about anything too much, I get a futuristic view of the situation, the possible outcomes that might come out and the probability of me encountering any difficulties which would hinder me from getting the desired outcome. On the other hand, it makes me work a lot inside my mind, thinking pessimistically about the infinite barriers that would stop me from getting my outcome, estimating about the odds of me not getting what I actually want. This type of thinking leads me into a melancholy mood, consequently makes me feel hollow inside, and ultimately deprives me of all the enthusiasm and will I optimistically would have had to work hard to get my desired outcome. People question me about the wisdom possessed by people who are into this habit of overthinking. Overthinking is not bad after all, you can make very wise decisions if you think about all the possibilities, but it’s not a good thing to do always because it makes you get yourself into a series of unlimited frames of reference which do not even account for their own existence, but only make you feel as if you are not following the right path and finally make you stop doing the right thing. Overthinking disallows you from following the adventurous feeling of curiosity and excitement you get while you are going to do something new, something which you haven’t ever done before. It deprives you of the experience you would possibly get while following this feeling independent of the subsequent result. In this way, it blocks your approach to variety in the ways by which you could possibly handle a situation, by making you think only about the pessimistic roadblocks and not letting you stumble upon the inspirational optimistic ones. But even after this unneeded process of overthinking, the end product of your entire though process about doing a particular thing depends upon your determination and will power. If ever your mind and your heart are involved in a conflict over making a right decision, you will have more tendencies to listen to your heart rather than your brain. Or it can be just the opposite in case of some people. So why do we need to overthink? Why do I overthink when it’s not a good enterprise, when it’s not a rewarding hobby that has to be practiced? I personally am coy about this topic, because I myself am unaware about it. I fail to understand why in the world I integrated into myself this habit of overthinking. I admit that I didn’t go searching for it, nor did I read something one day and acquire this strange habit of mine. All I can conclude about the origin of it is that I got it naturally when I grew up, grew up in the sense – went through experiences, both good as well as bad. Experience in itself has a deep meaning, it’s not just a word, it’s a feeling of you having conquered over something, or sometimes a feeling of you having lost everything in this world. Well, experience and feeling are not exactly synonyms for each other, but they are related to each other. You can’t experience new things if you don’t get the feeling of trying out something new. You can’t develop the various feelings if you haven’t had any sweet or bitter experience in your life. Well, life is in itself an experience as well as a feeling. Life is a bitter sweet symphony; those who haven’t had the bitter experience are too soft to be exposed to the harsh world, while those have had too much of it deny the possibility of anything good happening in their life. Again, I am overthinking, if you see how I deviated myself from this habit of mine to optimism and pessimism, and then to experience and life, and then to bitter and sweet experiences. Over all these years overthinking has made me draw out conclusions which were far from the actual truth, which made me hurt myself in the curtains of my self-created scenarios, which made me think that I am too different to be accepted by the society, which made me feel like a melancholic guy who was always contemplating about his existentialism, just cause of this habit of overthinking. Had I not possessed this overthinking, I would had took up the chances I got in the right place, at the right time, and now I would have had been a proud man, even though if I weren’t successful, but just because I would then have had nothing I could have had regretted about. Again, I was just overthinking while writing about this regretful habit of mine, overthinking.

Masquerade

It’s disheartening that we all live in a delusional world

Where the feelings of honesty and trust are being hurled

The people wear an illusionary mask on their face

To see them shamelessly fake their innocence is a disgrace

Decency and humility is efficiently shown on the outside

So that no one knows about the inner Devil which they hide

They twist the truth you've spoken and make the situation grave

Make things unbearable and trap you up like a knave

They befriend you for selfish reasons and try to act genuine

Abandon you at bad times and leave you alone to whine

Their impressive and charming talks lead you into a dark cave

Use you for their own benefit, in their real form they then behave

They will do whatever it takes to make themself look good

Take credit for your applaudable work so that you are misunderstood

Spread false rumours to become popular, in other's matters they snoop

They will change their entire personality to fit into a certain group

They attract you with clichés and feel too proud

In reality their lives are nothing but a fake disingenuous cloud

Trying to identify such people is indeed a challenging task

To expose what they conceal within, it’s difficult to uncover their mask

Haunted

Once upon a time
The beauty of the night was sublime
Whole of the atmosphere was covered with fog
There was complete silence except for the occasional barking of the dog

Suddenly it started raining heavily and the weather became freezing cold
On the deserted street stood a house which was way too old
No one went there as it was a haunted house
It was believed that at midnight the ghosts dwelling there used to rouse

One unlucky man who had lost his way
Landed on the street where this haunted house lay
Raining as it was heavily his clothes were all wet
He headed towards that house unaware of the deadly threat

On its old wooden door he started the knock
The door opened by itself to his shock
With spiders and cobwebs the house was full of dust
He could see broken tables, ripped curtains and lamps covered with rust

There were holes in the walls and gaps on the floor
He went further into the house to explore
Flickering lights and message appearing and disappearing on walls he could see
Dark shadows and objects moving by themselves made him want to flee

Creaky movement coming from the ceiling above, whispers and screams he could hear
The faint smell of death made him realize that his death was coming near
His heartbeat increased and his body temperature began to drop
But the feeling of fear and fright was something he was unable to stop

He felt as if on his shoulder someone had put its hand
What was going on around him was something he was unable to understand
Suddenly someone grabbed the hold of his neck
He struggled to free himself but his life had begun to wreck

Tears dropping from his eyes, his throat became sore from crying
With his breath falling short he knew that he was dying
I cannot tell what an excruciating death the poor man died
This was the price he had to pay for going inside

The Paradise of Nature

I stand there by the cold hillside

Where Nature in its purest form does reside

Clear orange skies covered with fleecy clouds

This part of Nature is far away from any crowds

Lush green grasses surround the mountains that reach the sky

Birds sing sweet lullabies and fly high

Little bunnies and deer peacefully feed

It is God who providently caters to their needs

The tall trees give off a fantasy vibe

The depths of Nature are impossible to describe

The sweet scent of flowers and fresh air give an amazing sensation

There is perhaps no end to God's this wonderful creation

These enchanting valleys full of flora enrich the earth

The charming and beautiful scenery provides me mirth

The sight of the sunset makes me smile

The scenic views make everything around worthwhile

I keep wandering about in this grand treasure

The beauty of Nature drives me here with pleasure

Gazing at the sky I see Heaven's reflection

God has created Nature in a way of absolute perfection

The Criminal Life of Don Tony

On the street of Martin Sinistral

Lived a boy who was a small criminal

His name was Tony and was small in age

He wanted to become a Don and have his own image

He started doing petty crimes

Pick pocketed people and stole limes

Then he started looting stalls

Whether they be on the street or inside the shopping malls

He threatened people with a knife

Asked them for money in return for their life

He troubled everyone and made them cry

And in this way, his childhood days passed by

Years passed away

And he grew into a bigger criminal day by day

At the site of Hudson Bay

Don Tony started smuggling drugs filled inside clay

Of heroin and cocaine he had huge farms

He did all types of huge crimes and dealt in arms

His bank balance began to rise in crore and lakhs

He sold RDX and explosives in huge packs

There was now a suspicion among the FBI

So on Don Tony, they began to spy

In large numbers men he used to train

Who smuggled goods to France, Italy and Spain

One day he decided to destroy a plane

As soon as he entered it, he became insane

With his revolver he killed the pilot 

And quickly planted a time bomb in the toilet

With his AK-47 he threatened people to shoot

In his bag he carried a parachute 

Then he jumped off the plane through the safety door

But soon realized that he had left his bag and parachute on the floor

Poor Tony thought he had made a foolish leap

Now he was falling onto a mountain which was steep

"Oh God!" was what Don Tony cried

And in this way the criminal died leaving his money aside